Im no Michael Keaton

Today both babies needed me.

I can't split myself in two or three but that's what needed to happen. L was over tired and needed comforting and G was emotional and needed to know that he matter as much as L. And I needed to leave for work. Nothing got done well. I calmed G and told Him I loved him before letting the nanny take him on a fun outing. Trampoline parks soothe a lot of tears for a 3 year old boy. I texted my business partner to say life was crazy and I was going to work from home today. And then after way too long of her needing it, I rocked sweet L to sleep. Everyone got bits of me, no one got whole uninterrupted time.

There was a bad Michael Keaton movie in the 90s where if cloned himself but the clones weren't as good. Sort of a copy of a copy isn't as clear sort of thing. Not bashing Keaton because he is awesome....Mr mom anyone? "220, 221. Whatever it takes". Everyone should google that, it's funny!

But some days we could all use two of ourselves.

I sit here thinking that God must feel that way about me. I struggle to give him all of me most of the time. It's not for fear or uninterest because my desire is for him to have all of me, it's from distraction and life! All excuses of course but we let life dictate our time with God instead of letting our time with him dictate our life.

I think about the single moms or the ones with 5 children. They make time for Jesus and don't use the excuses that I do. I have a nanny and a flexible job. God has blessed me and there are too many days where by my actions he comes last.

Today I pray for the moms split in two. That have to leave their babies and don't know how they are going to get everything done. I pray for the people in my life that bless me and allow me the time I do have. I pray that I seek him more and make Jesus my priority and not an item on my to do list.

1 month..... What?!?!?

Baby girl is one month old today. I wish I could say it's been a breeze but that would be lying and what's the point of writing these things if I were to lie. The first two weeks were really hard with G. It rocked his world and their was lots of crying and fighting. I worked really hard to spend as much concentrated time with him as I could and things are back to normal now. However, o do feel constantly split in two, just stretched too thin.

Oir little Bean is a challenge. Last night husband mentions how much harder she was than G and I honestly can't remeber the first month with him. I read back through my blog to get a glimpse into that time. Based on the blog I would say that G was a handful too. Neither of them want to sleep uring the day. Naps are such a struggle. But I know this will get better, with time it all gets better.

Today I'm sad because Bean fought her nap so hard it took us over two hours to get her to sleep. Now I'm terrified to put her down. This means that G and husband are outside enjoying this glorious weather and I'm stuck in a chair in a bedroom with white noise playing. It's not the family Saturday that I had hoped for.

Bean is sweet and alert and starting to want to smile a bit. She has a really strong neck and kills it at tummy time. I think she definitely looks more like Eric than G ever did. Her cries are excruciating to listen to because they sound like a sad kitten. I can't imagine another baby being able to fight a nap as hard as she does......but that probably because I have blocked that part of Gs life from my memory. Neither of my babies are those babies that just fall asleep. No car ride, swing, stroller, rocking entices them to dream land. Who am I kidding though if I thought my children would be easy. Poor things got my DNA and will be pains in the butt for the rest of their lives.

I wish I could say that with the second one I have it all figured out but I dont. But I can know that just like with G this part passes and within months life is better and easier and a whole lot more fun.

16 days to go

i didn't blog at all this pregnancy for a variety of reasons. Partially because I just didn't want to invite people into this part of our lives again. But mostly because it has not been easy. I smile and say "I'm great" when people ask but at home husband would give you a totally different version. I had morning sickness (all-day sickness) well into my 6th month. This stuff kicked my butt. My sweet little G would stare at me oddly as I lay on the couch and say things like "you ok mommy?" Then in the 7th month I was feeling better for like a whole 4 days or something until I pinched my sciatic nerve. I was on the floor playing with G and just moved wrong. After about 5 weeks of exercises and massages it thankfully got better. So sometime in the 8th month I got that wonderful feeling of overwhelming tiredness that accompanies all pregnancies that occur in Louisiana in what was record breaking heat and humidity of the summer. So here I sit in my 9th month, 16 days away from my scheduled induction at just shy of 40 weeks.

I wanted to reflect a little bit on these last few months. Our baby girl has been cooking away and we have been savoring our family time with G. he has helped prepare his sister nursery. He happily tells people she is in my belly. He randomly says thing like "I can't wait to meet her" or "I want to hold her". It makes my heart melt. Of course he also asks if he can sit on her so I'm being realistic in my expectations for them. I'm so ready to meet her and hold her. I'm just not one of those mommas that wants to bounce back quickly. I want to stay in bed as long as possible and just cuddle my baby. I think with the 2nd you are so busy with the 1st that you don't spend as much time thinking about it until it hits you that it's happening. Well it's about to happen and I couldn't be more excited.

Im Pregnant!

Jan 28th.
I am 6 weeks pregnant today. Ive already known for about a week and a half. As soon as I missed my period I just knew. I came home and told Eric that I thought I was pregnant and I had ordered a test from Amazon and it would be here in two days. He ran to Walgreens as soon as G was asleep because he couldn't wait. And just like with G our first reaction was laughter. Babies seem to make me laugh. Its a joyful and happy laugh but also a "what they heck did we just do" laugh. Add in the fact that we only started trying last month and the "Holy Cow" reaction makes a little more sense.

Today is the first day though that I feel pregnant. I have had morning sickness for a week and I can not eat meat which is typical for me in the first trimester and I'm exhausted so I feel pregnant, but today I feel like there is a baby growing in my tummy. Today I started to smile thinking about what the baby would be like and how much fun its all going to be.

I am also soaking up every moment, cuddle, laugh, and kiss from G because he only has a few more months of being the only one.

Feb 3rd.
I met a really sweet girl a few months back at my workout class. We exchanger plesantries before we begin grunting and sweating our way through another barre class. She shared with me that she is pregnany also and due a month before me, very exciting. However, not only is she way better at barre than me but she also isnt having morning sickness. Ugh. My morning sickness sucks. Mostly because it doesn't just happen in the mornings but ALL DAY LONG. My mother in law would say that it means the hormones are working and the baby is healthy. Yay for vomiting!

You are my Sunshine

I love being a mommy more than anything else on the planet. I do. I don't understand those moms that talk about how hard motherhood is. No judgement, I just don't get it. The lack of sleep and juggling life is hard but motherhood to me is blissful. I have this sweet, silly, lovely little man and God decided that I was the lucky one that got to be his mommy.

Last night G was trying his usual tactics to evade bedtime. He likes reading and will always ask for another book. Sometimes he tells us he needs to play with his trains. Most nights he will ask us to lie on the floor with him and we will look each other in the eyes and he will talk to us. He will whisper things like "I need a motorcycle" and "I went to the park" and I will ask questions about his day and he will stretch his bedtime out as long as possible. Last night the kid went for the heart. I mean, right for the mommy jugular. He curled up in my arms like a baby and asked me to sing Sunshine to him. Again and again and again. Then he asked for Twinkle, which I did. I stared at my growing boy who is no longer a baby and loved every second of it. Then he asked for the Hot Dog Song (mickey mouse). When I started singing the Hot Dog Song he hopped up and began to dance......I had been played.

But I don't mind one bit.

2014 year end review

2014 was a wonderful year for us. It was a year of highs and lows but mostly it was a year of love for my little family of three. Here are a few of the things that stand out when I think about this past year.

• Watching my baby become a boy. 2014 brought us walking and talking and sass and risk taking and lots of fun. I still can't believe I am lucky enough to be his mommy.
• Work was a roller coaster. I went from just your run of the mill engineer to owning part of the company. It was a big change and a big decision for our family that wasn't without its share of stress but I am grateful for the opportunity. 
• People disappointed in ways I had not expected and some surprised me in the most amazing ways. It taught me to never assume because the good aren't slways good and the bad can turn things around.
• I feel closer to my siblings than ever and I am grateful for them both. We are all different and weird in our own ways but love each other.
• One morning I woke up and realized that my sweet husband was a strong, amazing, Godly man. Willing to stand strong in his faith when others were pushing for him to flow with the world around him. 
• I started working out for the first time in my life! I am stronger than I ever remember being and I feel amazing. Body sculpt barre studio pushes me beyond my limit but I keep going back for more.
• God called me to Haiti and challenged me to open my mind and heart to the hurting world around me.
• I am grateful for the people that aren't blood related but love us like we are....grumpy, gammy, Brittany, Kiki, LB, and Emmy to name a few.

My only regret was how fast it all happens and I'm not allowed to slow it all down. The year wasn't perfect but looking back all I remember where the high points. I can't wait to see what 2015 had in store for us!

Good morning

This morning started like most mornings. I woke up before the alarm but stayed still in bed enjoying the silence, darkness, and coldness of a winter morning. G woke just after 6:30 as usual and husband got up to get him and bring him his first cup of milk. Husband knows that surviving a zombie apocalypse is easier than getting me out of bed in the morning. Soon after G was running into our room proclaiming "mommy mommy" and crawled into bed with me. This morning we had friends, three friends. Puppy, ducky, and Padna (Panda). G decided we needed all three of his stuffed friends with him. Then after he gets settled next to me in bed he begs ....."Mickey Mouse". I allow Mickey Mouse in the mornings to allow mommy some time to get dressed, don't judge. What happens next is not one of my proudest moments, but I will be honest, I hold Mickey Mouse hostage in the mornings for the payment of one "kisses" from G. My baby doesn't hug or kiss unless he wants Mickey Mouse.
So, I put the TV on and for 15 mins he watched Mickey while I watched him. I snuggled with him as he ran roll call, "Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto". Then he usually says "where's the clubhouse..........there it is!"

I love our mornings. I love the time watching my boy be a silly boy. With his milk and his stuffed animals in bed with mommy.